Fly me away from my old host!

Imagine that you’re at a party and the host is the most ignorant and rude person in the galaxy (also, the lobster bites taste like mud and F**k THERE IS A HAIR IN IT).

When do you decide to leave that party? When the host starts to insult you? Ignore you? Gossip about you behind your back? Hop on a table and shit on it?

Well, I hope you haven’t been at a party like that (although it would make an epic youtube video), but webhosts can be just as bad. Your website might get slow or might even be down for an extended period of time and that only means one thing: losing visitors. Which, of course, directly means losing engagement, and at the end of the day, losing money.

So you seek help – and what you get is the crappiest customer service in the entire universe. After reading the millionth delayed response consisting of utterly useless information, you decide to get the hell out of there. Maybe you don’t want to do it alone. Maybe you don’t want do deal with it at all.

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Let me be your superhero for a moment – I can rescue you from that hellhole and set up a brand new online home for you that is much cozier, more effortless and inviting than the last one.

Oh, so you want to go from Blogger to WordPress? Or from Squarespace to WordPress? No worries, pal, I got you. I will help you find the perfect host, bring all your sweet content over and you don’t need to worry for a single minute about what could go wrong if you had to handle this scary migration thingy all by yourself. I have learnt all about it so you don’t have to.

Let’s talk numbers – how much would that cost you?

I’ll gladly accept $300 from you for a simple royal rescue (this doesn’t include the price you will have to pay for the host itself though). If you come to me with a more complicated escape plan, then this price might increase a bit, but we’ll discuss that when you present me with the exact deets.

Ready to leave that crappy party yet? Good. Grab a cherry beer and let’s talk!